About Relational Ethics in Therapy

Talk about self-centered! We therapists pay endless attention to our own professional ethics and have almost entirely ignored the ethical lives of our clients. But this is understandable: our ancestral origins in Freud set the template that morality lies outside of the zone of psychotherapy. This despite the fact that ethical dilemmas are core parts of human life: to divorce or stay married, to have an affair or not, to keep a family secret, to cut off a toxic family member, and the endless loyalty binds of stepfamily life. The list is endless.

Because we humans are social animals, we are moral animals wondering what we owe others versus what we owe ourselves--except when we talk to our therapist who is likely to steer the conversation to more familiar territory of psychological needs and interpersonal dynamics. All good stuff, of course, but stripped bare of the ethical language that is core to human sensibilities.

Here’s the thing: we are ethical consultants to our clients whether we know it or not. It’s impossible not to influence clients who are facing an ethical dilemma—by the questions we ask, the feelings we validate, and the perspectives we share.