Along with sensitive listening and deep exploration, affirmation is a pillar of the practice of psychotherapy. We affirm clients when they have important insights or try out constructive new behavior. We appreciate them for taking risks inside and outside the therapy office. It’s no different in the ethical realm, provided we are attuned to this dimension of the human experience.
In general, ethical affirmations are simple interventions, not complex ones. They have to come spontaneously in the moment and from the therapist’s heart, or otherwise they will sound patronizing (“Good husband!”). Sometimes an affirmation comes at the end of an exploration that leads the client to confront something not accepted before: “I appreciate how hard you’ve worked in this conversation to be honest with yourself and about what you’ve done. This is not easy.”
Affirmations are more often about the courage and effort clients are putting into their discernment about ethical issues, than about praise for the decision the client ultimately makes. When a client in a distressed marriage decides to open up to their spouse about their pain and the doubts about the future of the marriage—because that’s fair to the spouse who deserves to know what’s going on in the marriage—the therapist can acknowledge and affirm the courage and risk involved in taking that step.